I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
