Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
