I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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