dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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