when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
