my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
