someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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