I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you never un-have a 4some
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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