How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
