Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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