I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
