So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
