Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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