I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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