White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
