someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize