I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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