you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
