Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
