dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
