He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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