I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol