i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We are all done wearing pants today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All the doctor said was why
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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