i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
