Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
