some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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