Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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