i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
