i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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