Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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