it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
