Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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