oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
