No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
