Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
