while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your cock deserves a montage
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
