I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
