thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
