WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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