According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
