What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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