Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dick very happy bro
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
