I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
