I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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