Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize