so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
