I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
