the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
