i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
