I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There r osticjed everywhere
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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