Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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