I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
