my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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