If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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