sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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