i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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