handjob tips. give me some.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
