put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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