So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
