At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
