Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
