so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
