rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
