The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
