I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
